Here's mine, Indubala, having been tormented by "if" - exactly as you so eloquently described. I remind myself that people wiser than I say that no path is truly a mistake. We are here to grow and learn from every "if only" - now we know, right? Related to this is the phrase my therapist taught me, "Trust the process." Last of all, believing in reincarnation, I figure at least, at last, I've learned these hard lessons - next go round, I'll be more enlightened. Hope this helps